


Shards of Silver & Black

by Sugar_and_Salt



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Psychological, Romance, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 15:37:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5339435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugar_and_Salt/pseuds/Sugar_and_Salt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lay wandered through deserted cities, beautiful gardens and glass castles. Kyungsoo's mind wasn't like any other he had seen before though. And that's when pretty dreams can turn dangerous real fast. But Lay was trained for the resistance... or so he thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shards of Silver & Black

**Author's Note:**

> ~ crossposted from AFF ~
> 
> This story means a lot to me so I hope you'll enjoy it even though the couple is unusual~  
> I'm still testing the waters with Ao3 and thought I'd go with a story that's dear to me!  
> There are mentions of violence/sexual acts/depressions and overall mindfuck-ness(?!)
> 
> So... Yeah. Have fun reading c:

Lay opened his eyes and was immediately blinded by light. Instincts told him to close them at once, but he had long ago stopped being a slave to his human habits while wandering at night. So he kept them open and gave his body a second to adjust to the foreign environment.  
Soft grass tickled the bare skin of his wrists and fingers; the sky above him was endless but completely white. There were no clouds and no traces of an actual light source. This wasn’t uncommon. Dreams were vastly complex but in their essence they merely created what the dreamer was supposed to notice.  
And only very few dreams he had entered so far had been gifted with cerulean blue and fluffy-looking clouds.  
A sigh escaped his lips. _What a pity_.  
People should really pay attention to the sky more often.  
  
He slowly sat up, letting his hands wander through the grass blades.  
They were amazingly accurate… And of a deep, bloody red.  
It was during this moment that Lay already felt the first prick of uneasiness about all this.  
A bad sign.  
Everything around him seemed perfectly normal. Although he couldn’t say he had actually seen this place during the day, it looked like any other park in the city he was currently residing at. There was a row of houses nearby and a narrow alleyway that was sparsely lit by the non-existing sun. Reddish bricks full of dirty specks, old and tattered window sills, a few white benches and planted flowers. Everything seemed natural -rather detailed, even- except for the sea of soft crimson he was sitting on.  
With a thoughtful face he marveled at the accuracy of every single grass blade.  
It was incredibly hard to create and uphold the imaginary of something so tiny yet so vast.  
Not to mention that the first layers of people’s conscious were usually made up of realistic scenarios, closely taken from actual experience. And this was the topmost layer, barely scratching at the surface of his mind.  
Lay smiled a little, feeling intrigued already.  
Seemed like Do Kyungsoo really liked the idea of crimson grass.

Speaking of the owner of this dream… Where was he?  
The Chinese got up and got a good look around, but there was no one around. He had to be nearby though. After all, people rarely put in the effort to uphold what was out of their sight. He had already visited dreams that only consisted of a few square meters.  
Finally a figure rounded a corner and walked down the alleyway with unhurried, deliberate steps.  
It was a short male, clad in jeans and a simple hoodie that wasn’t quite wide enough to hide his skinny frame. His head was lowered, not giving away anything but a mop of unstyled, jet black hair.  
Lay didn’t hide. He didn’t approach him, either.  
The boy didn’t seem to even notice him as he strolled along, carelessly stepping on the grass and aiming to walk past the taller Chinese who was entirely dressed in black and therefore hard to miss.  
Lay searched for his face but the boy wouldn’t look up at all. It was puzzling. Even though people tended to think of him as a part of their dreams, Lay had never been actually invisible. He didn’t even think it was possible. Did their eyes meet for a second? The moment was too short for him to realize it and the boy was already passing by without a care.  
  
“Do Kyungsoo?”  
Lay’s calm voice resounded in the eerily silent surroundings and the boy froze in his tracks. Turning only his head he looked him dead in the eye.  
He didn’t know what exactly he felt in that moment, but something about this boy shook him up. His appearance was clearly balanced - the soft facial features suited the petite frame and where he lacked in muscles his face was clearly blessed with lush lips, a pair of big, dark eyes and strong eyebrows that ultimately gave an edge to his otherwise rather feminine appearance. He looked much more handsome than he had on the photo Lay had seen. But it wasn’t the appearance that had Lay hesitating - he had seen all sorts of beauty in his life. It was the look he gave him. A strong, unwavering and blank stare that bore itself into him. Was it pure awareness? It couldn’t be. He looked almost accusing.  
One second passed. Two seconds.  
Then he turned away and simply continued walking.  
Lay nodded to himself, took two steps and lifted his hand.  
The black-haired boy stopped when he felt something hard nudging the back of his head. In his movement of turning around Lay had already pulled the trigger of his silver handgun and saw nothing but a surprised look out of very dark eyes before the world ceased to exist with the resounding echo of a gunshot.

The boy had indeed seen him all this time. He had noticed him but chose to plain-out ignore him.  
_So this was the type of person Do Kyungsoo was_ , Lay thought.

 

    Lay opened his eyes. And found himself sitting in a deserted school corridor, leaning against a wall.  
His body had already adapted well to the mind of Kyungsoo and so he lost no time and got up.  
After all, he didn’t have an infinite amount of time.  
The corridor wasn’t going on for long before fading into vague smears of colors, so he assumed him to be close. And he indeed found the boy in the first classroom he entered. The whole room was flooded by the golden light of a setting sun Lay could once again not clearly locate. He almost saw the dust dancing in the rays of light, though this was probably his own imagination. A few luscious green trees close to the window front made for the only speck of life in a picture of deserted rows of chairs and tables. Well, the only one besides Kyungsoo himself, who was sitting on a table in the front-corner of the room nearby the windows, one leg leaning against a chair, the other angled up so he could rest his arms around it.  
The moment he stepped in his head flew up and their eyes met. This time it was not a darkly foreboding stare, but one of half-hearted interest.  
His voice was quiet but it cut the once again deafening silence of everything.

“Who are you?”  
_Zhang Yixing._  
“Lay.” he evenly said.  
He had definitely not imagined this boy’s voice to be so rich.

Kyungsoo vaguely nodded as if he didn’t care for any other information. Which he probably didn’t.  
People didn’t tend to question their dreams a lot.  
With tentative steps Lay entered the classroom. Of course he could just prance on him and brutally shoot him down. But brute antics like this would have a long-term effect on him. The psyche was a delicate thing and brutally ripping in holes that might never be repaired was not what he was here for.  
So he opted for a soft voice and slow movements.  
  
“Why are you still here? It’s very late.”  
“You’re here as well.” he gave back absently while looking around the room.  
_I’m here because you’re sick._  
“I forgot something.”  
“Oh…” he simply murmured with the disinterest from before.

Lay was standing right next to him now and took his time to observe the sunlight reflecting on his dark hair and tinting his pale cheeks in a golden glow. It didn’t reach his eyes though.  
“So why are you still here?” he repeated carefully.  
“Where else would I be? It doesn’t matter where I am.” he said in a hollow voice while looking at him for a moment before averting his gaze again. And in between all the dull lack of emotion he found a spark of hurt in his eyes and a fraction of bitterness in his tone, barely noticeable but there. Just like Kyungsoo himself felt barely noticeable… but still there.  
“Whether I’m here… At home… Or the bottom of the sea. No one would notice.”  
He curled together a little more tightly as if gathering the courage to say it out loud, completely unaware of the gun raised to his head.  
“No one’s gonna miss me.”  
One shot and the world faded into swirls of colors in the Chinese’ eyes that were tinged in slight pity.  
  
It was very common.  
He had been told that Kyungsoo was distanced, cold and disinterested.  
And all of these traits were clearly applicable to the Kyungsoo he met wandering through the crimson grass.  
But below that he was but a lonely soul, unable to find a place to belong to.  
Really, it wasn’t that strange.  
After all, who could really say that he didn’t hide any part of himself?  
Who could say that he truly lived wearing his heart on his sleeve, where it was the most vulnerable?

Then again you also died if someone decided to slit your wrists, heart there or not, so you could just as well wear it on your sleeve in the first place. But that was the Lay saw it.  
That was the difference between him and Kyungsoo.  
And it was also the reason why Lay was now diving deep into his mind, searching for this heart of his at the very core.  
Searching for the infection that was eating him up from inside.

And as things were, he had to go much deeper than that.

 

    When his surroundings materialized, Lay stood on a spiral staircase made of solid cement with an adjoining wall on the outer side. Once again, the scenery was brightly lit without any visible source of light.  
Everything was gray and when he leaned over the inner railing he could neither see the top nor the bottom of the stairs, though the stairs did fade into said gray at certain distances. Loud footsteps from above were quickly coming closer, throwing their echoes ahead. Not hesitating a second, Lay pressed himself flat against the outer wall and not a second too early since the figure of Kyungsoo came rushing into his sight only to run past him with no sign of acknowledgment.  
For a fleeting moment Lay processed the happenings before sprinting after him.  
The owner of the dream was distancing himself - he couldn't let that happen.  
The dream would dissolve behind him and if he stepped out of the dream once, he couldn't go back into it.  
Of course physical exhaustion was not a concept that applied to him anymore, but he also couldn't be as fast and reckless as Kyungsoo, whom the dream reacted and adapted to.  
  
A loud rumbling was heard behind him, deep enough to vibrate in his stomach, followed by a series of clattering noises and the screeching from metal against stone. Whatever this was, it wasn't human and it was getting closer.  
Lay tried to hurry even more and the stairs below him flew by in a blur of gray. Once in a while the stairs turned into escalators, speeding the descent up or making it more tedious. Dreams liked to trip you up like that.  
Kyungsoo's labored breath came closer and once in a while he caught a glimpse of a black mop of hair before losing him again.  
Finally the escalators seemed to work in his favor and he jumped forwards, ripping at Kyungsoo's shoulder and tackling both of them into a wall in a tangle of limbs. The shorter one was kicking, clawing and screaming at him.  
"LET GO! I need to go downstairs, don't you understand?! I need to kill it GODDAMNIT!"  
The noise from above was still getting closer and Kyungsoo suddenly ripped himself free and positioned himself in the middle of the staircase, one hand outstretched, presenting his palm.  
"I'm not afraid of you!" he loudly proclaimed with a steady voice as if daring the monster to attack him.  
And just as the thing flew into sight and Lay could only see an undefined mass of black with far too many eyeballs and pieces of metal blinking, a shock wave of gravity radiated off Kyungsoo's hand and slammed it against the wall with a sickening sludgy sound and it emitted a resonating screech as-  
Lay pulled the trigger, aimed at the back of Kyungsoo's head.  
The shot went down in all the noises but the gray washed over him almost peacefully.

 

    ...And faded into vivid specks of light, blinking at him with every move.  
Now this was certainly a scenery he had never seen before. Glass walls, glass floors, glass stairs. Through countless layers of glass he could spot a landscape with nothing but grass, and with all the corridors and rooms being divided by the see-through barriers he was reminded of a mirror cabinet.  
Lay had to admit that he was beyond amazed as he slowly stepped down a corridor of this huge glass castle.  
Usually the dreams were getting less accurate the further you advanced into the conscious but this was very impressive in both terms of size and imagination. He could clearly see the rooms below him as well as the roof a few layers above him, twinkling in the light of a visible early afternoon sun. Slightly frosted glass imitated some sort of carpet and he might have felt a little nauseous without it, considering that he was high up in the air. His goal was obvious and at the end of the corridor he delicately pushed open the equally crystal-clear door to enter a rectangular room.  
  
Now that he was closer he realized that the floor was completely covered in a sea of flowers with Kyungsoo sitting in the midst of them with his back turned. The translucent flower petals seemed fragile as the cowering person itself.  
It was the first time he saw him dressed in something else but a pair of rugged jeans and a washed out sweater. As if adapting to his surroundings Kyungsoo wore a woolen pullover that seemed ridiculously huge for his narrow frame, accompanied by comfortable white pants and bare feet he could barely spot between this sea of flowers.  
He softly closed the door behind him and as if sensing his presence all of a sudden Kyungsoo turned to look at him.  
There were no readable emotions in his dark orbs, appearing almost dull.  
For a second Lay stayed frozen on the spot, gauging his reaction. When there was none and Kyungsoo didn't seem to forget about him anytime soon either, he gently spoke up with a nod towards the floor.  
"You like flowers?"  
Tilting his head slightly he hummed in affirmation.

"I like these flowers. They are called Skeleton flowers."  
His velvety voice, even though monotone and detached, was almost alluring as it resonated through the somehow lifeless scenery.  
Lay blinked as he rid himself of the thoughts.  
"They turn transparent as soon as they get wet. Like glass. They are beautiful..."  
Suddenly he seemed to gain a bit of focus as he blinked up at Lay with his brows knitted in helpless confusion.  
"But there isn't even any water in here, is there? Still, they're transparent. I don't understand." he whispered and an involuntary shiver went down Lay's spine.  
At what exactly, he wasn't sure.  
"I... I don't know it either." he answered noncommittally.  
He stood still and waited until Kyungsoo lowered his gaze before he lifted his silver gun.  
At this moment Kyungsoo decided to look back at him and Lay hesitated.  
Once again Kyungsoo caught him by surprise by merely blinking sleepily and almost leisurely getting to his feet.  
He made no move to run away whatsoever.  
"A gun. You want to kill me. I guess I can't run away from a gun. It's pointless..." he stated quietly, not showing even an ounce of fear.  
Kyungsoo closed his eyes, patiently awaiting his fate. Lay spotted him biting his lips in mild anxiety, but that was it.  
  
For Kyungsoo may be bitter and lonely on the inside, and beneath that lay his fighting spirit.  
But beneath _that_ , he had given up long ago, giving in to the temptation that is resignation.  
 Lay shot him, and the surroundings changed.

 

    He found Kyungsoo in a deserted underground station which looked perfectly normal at first. Only when he approached the young man idly sitting at the edge of the platform, leaving his feet to dangle while watching the tracks below him did he notice that the area below them was covered by a thick layer of ivy, completely hiding the tracks below.  
The speculations were already running wild in his head. What was the meaning of this? Was he hopelessly waiting for a certain something because the tracks seem to be long-forgotten?  
Again, Kyungsoo spotted him right as he had lifted his gun and forced Lay to hesitate.  
  
Something about this whole dream seemed so wrong. And something about the way he was looking at him was wrong as well.  
It reminded him of the feeling he had experienced in the glass room for a split-second.  
He seemed a bit more self-aware and awake, yet at the same time his semi-attentive gaze was eery. Kyungsoo obviously acknowledged his presence, but completely disregarded the gun, only looking him in the eye with that unwavering gaze.  
  
"It's pretty, isn't it?" he asked in a relaxed manner.  
Lay only gave him a confused look.  
"Come here. Take a look."  
His slow footsteps echoed through the station and his long shadow was flitting over the brick wall as he stopped barely two feet from him, looking down at the tracks.  
"There... You see it?"  
Lay looked at the mass of leaves and messy stems raking around each other, more akin to a jungle than actual ivy. Did he like plants? After all, there were those flowers and the green grass. But Kyungsoo only closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.  
"Do you **hear** it?" he exhaled in something akin to bliss and once again Lay felt seriously unsettled.

And it really wasn't professional, but that moment Lay was captured by his profile. By his slightly parted lips and porcelain skin, the mix of relief and peace on his expression both fascinating and scary.  
When the station was lit he didn't understand and just stood there. His eyes widened when Kyungsoo pushed himself off the edge and the arriving train hit him full force, leaving his body to burst into a thousand glowing particles.  
And the world vanished.

 

    "Hey." Kyungsoo said in the most friendly voice he had heard him using so far.  
"You can join me for a snack or two. Just take a seat."  
The still dazed Lay was gently pushed onto one of the elegant chairs at the head of a huge table made of dark wood. He hardly showed any resistance. The reverberation of the arriving train and the sound of the collision were still echoing in his mind.  
  
This concept wasn't entirely new to him.  
_Thanatos_. The inner drive towards death - according to some psychologists it was one of the two main drives humanity had. But it was mostly hidden very deep down in your conscious where shapes and consistency hardly mattered anymore.  
He had never encountered it so directly, so harsh, so _true-to-life_.  
  
Lay tried to re-focus and took in his surroundings. The room they were in was fully occupied by the large table. There were enough chairs and plates for ten people but besides him and Kyungsoo himself no one was present.  
"Help yourself. I can't possibly finish all of this on my own." Kyungsoo gently said and gestured over the lavishly set table. Soups and meat, bowls of fruits and countless little side dishes were spread around the table in between quaint-looking candle-holders and sparkling wine glasses. The bordeaux windowless walls of the room were dimly lit by a huge chandelier, further enhancing the claustrophic feelings he would definitely get in real life. If you stood up you could only barely walk around the table, that's how narrow everything was.  
Kyungsoo was still smiling at him in encouragement and Lay wondered if this was the way he had once looked at his co-students. Reassuring, warm and carefree.  
_Before he locked himself up in his room._  
"Come on, no need to be scared." he said coaxingly and to placate him Lay reached for the topmost green apple on a bowl close to him. Just when his fingers closed around it, however, the firm surface instantly gave way and turned soft and mushy as the fruit rotted in a split-second, going from vibrant green to a dark and speckled brown with mold bubbling up.  
Lay ripped away his hand in disgust as if he had been burnt and during the rapid movement he felt as if someone was tugging at his chair and the world turned as he fell backwards.  
In the blink of an eye he saw Kyungsoo standing on the table in front of him, looking down at him with piercing hostility as the chair crashed through the floor and he kept falling into nothingness. He clearly heard his voice even though the plush lips were kept in a straight frown.  
  
_Get the fuck out of my head._  
  
And in the blink of an eye Kyungsoo had pulled out a gun and shot him in the head.

 

    Zhang Yixing awoke with a start.

The next night passed without him trying anything, waiting for the waves of Kyungsoo's soul to calm down a bit.  
But the following night he found himself lying in his dimly lit hotel room, looking intently at the official profile of Do Kyungsoo that his parents had filled out when requesting his services.  
When he went to sleep the plain graduation photo was edged into his mind and he easily found the way back.

 

    Back to the plain park with the red grass.

Some people were indeed able to spot a foreign matter in their mind. The further you delved inside, the higher the probability.  
He had definitely not expected to be faced with actual awareness that soon. It had been his own mistake.  
Now that he had been pushed out of the conscious though, he had to start anew.  
And that was... not ideal.  
He encountered a cold and indifferent Kyungsoo who looked up at him and... hesitated. Just for a split-second he seemed confused before proceeding like before and walking past Lay.  
Before fading when the bullet went through him.

    Lay advanced smoothly now that he knew the nature of Kyungsoo.  
He went past the lonely Kyungsoo, the fighter, the resigned one. He saw the confusion edged into the resigned one and watched the one at the underground station jump in front of the train.  
But when he awoke to the exact same scenery and found himself standing in the underground station once more he reacted too late, immediately looking for the spot where Kyungsoo used to sit.  
His confusion only lasted a second, but that second got him killed as strong hands pushed him on the tracks and the train hit him.

 

    Yixing awoke again.  
His breathing heavy from exertion, he cursed quietly.  
He had been tricked yet again.

Another day went by unsuccessfully.  
"Mr. Zhang, we've noticed that our son has reportedly not changed his behavior at all. Are you sure you're capable enough?"  
Yixing sighed into his phone while opening one of the hotel's curtains, letting rays of sunlight stream into the warm and stuffy-looking room with cheap and minimal furniture.  
He tried not to yawn.  
"I'm sorry that it's taking longer than average, but I can assure you I am fully capable. It's just that your son is very, _very_ smart."  
The reply came without missing a beat.  
"He has never shown any tendencies like that."  
"Well-", Yixing patiently began, "-he might not be book smart or have good grades, or maybe he's just lazy, I wouldn't know that. But I can assure you, your son is highly intelligent on a social and emotional level."  
"I find this hard to believe. This better not be an excuse since we agreed on a very high sum, if I remember correctly."  
The brunette suppressed another sigh.  
"I think that's why we also agreed on payment after success, Sir. If you could excuse me for now, I have a busy schedule."  
With this words he hung up and rubbed his temples.  
People like the parents of Kyungsoo were nothing new to him either.  
_'Reportedly', he said.  
Not that they would notice it first-hand._  
Still, he had to get his head into it.  
During the second time he had already noticed the dreams changing. Only subtly, but noticeable.  
The first one had looked at him for a fraction longer, the lonely one said nothing but 'No one's going to miss me'.  
The resigned one kept touching the glass walls and the floor in search of any trace of water.  
_I have to hurry up._

 

    Lay almost met his end at an early stage, when Kyungsoo did not continue to descend the endless spiral staircase but turned around all of a sudden, stating that he, Lay, might be his actual enemy.  
Lucky for him, his reflexes won out easily.

 

    "Did you know, that if you put a white flower into a glass of colorful water... The flower will soak up the color bit by bit?"  
Lay shook his head and Kyungsoo shuffled on the floor to face him with that detached expression in his big eyes.  
The transparent flowers seemed to rustle even though there was no wind at all.  
"I want them to be colorful..." he whispered and absently rubbed his wrist with one hand.

 

    This time, there was no ivy on the tracks. There weren't even any tracks.  
Just a big, gaping abyss - calling out to Kyungsoo.  
He followed those calls, not showing an ounce of fear as the darkness swallowed him up.

 

    And this time around, Lay was prepared.  
The moment the surroundings melted into the form of a deserted corridor, he had already spun around, his gun raised and the bullet meeting it's target before Kyungsoo had even time to progress it.  
Lay tried not to feel triumphant. After all, he was breaching into someone's mind.  
No personal feelings involved. Most humans had a manipulative side to them. It's what you needed to survive in society.

 

    Finally, he advanced and found himself in the most peaceful scenery yet.  
Wild grass littered with flowers reached just above his ankles and covered the ground. A few fruit trees were in full blossom and even though everything seemed wild and peaceful, the garden was evidently well-groomed, for the fauna made way for the wooden stairs close to him. There, on the plateau, was a clean veranda made of equally bright wood with a simple table and a bunch of chairs. Adjacent to it was a cozy European-looking house, freshly painted white and framed with dark wood; flowers decorating the windowsills and hanging down in a variety of pots completed the picture of fairytale perfection.  
Kyungsoo leisurely sat in one of the chairs and patiently watched him.  
Of course Lay was wary after the last escapade.  
But Kyungsoo shot him a reassuring small smile and gestured him over.  
  
"Hello. It's nice to finally meet you."  
Lay nodded unsurely while slowly stepping up the few stairs.  
"I understand your worry and I have a feeling you're keen to leave, but if you could forget about that gun of yours and just talk to me for a bit, I'm sure you will not regret it."  
He should know better, but his instincts told him that it was alright. And Lay trusted no one more than he trusted himself. That was one of the reasons why he was able to do this.  
So he lifted the palms of his hand to prove his amicability and slowly sank into one of the chairs, trying to relax a little.  
"I know better than to offer you any food but feel free to breathe a little. You're surely exhausted."  
Grateful for the offer, he leaned back a little to further observe his surroundings.  
He doubted that he had ever seen a dream this... _real_.  
Kyungsoo kept surprising him, apparently.  
The plants looked vivid, the sky was an artwork of rosy colors interlaced with golden ones. A bright sun was hanging low, albeit not too low to cast very long shadows. If he closed his eyes he could hear the faint rustling of wind and even the buzzing of distant bees.  
Lay let his hand glide over the wooden structure of his chair to feel every ridge until he met the cotton fabric of his plush cushion. Heck, he was sure he even smelled the faint scent of wood and flowers.  
  
"This... Is very, very beautiful." he slowly but earnestly said with a side glance at Kyungsoo, who had studied him attentively.  
"This? Oh. It's a place I've seen in a video game I've played once. I really liked it."  
"I bet you did. Your accuracy is remarkable."  
"Thank you very much. People rarely come around to compliment me like that." he added with a hint of amusement.  
Taking a deep breath, he finally decided to approach the matter at hand.  
"So... Kyungsoo. How much do you understand about me?" he carefully asked.  
He hummed in thought while studying him intensely.  
"Who knows?", he pensively said, "I do have my theories, but... Who knows..."  
He sat up a little straighter and turned his whole body to face Lay.  
"I think that you are one of those dream-therapists. You have probably been sent by my parents?"  
Lay nodded curtly and Kyungsoo replied with an understanding nod of his own.  
"Yeah, I thought so. You... Are searching for something inside my head. Something that is wrong.  
Because I'm not like those other kids."  
Again, he simply nodded. He was spot-on, and Lay was curios as to where this was going.  
"Let me guess what my file says about me.  
Maybe something along the lines of 'anti-social', 'manic-depressive' and 'possibly suicidal'?"  
"It didn't have the 'manic', but you're close enough."  
Kyungsoo laughed a short, bitter laugh and leaned forward, supporting his chin on his hand.  
  
"I'm closer than them. After all, I **am** me. Anyway... Oh, what's your name, by the way?"  
"Lay."  
"That's not your real name, is it?"  
"No."  
Kyungsoo shrugged.  
"Fine by me. I'm not gonna call you out on the unfair balance of disposal in here."  
"It seems to me that you are perfectly aware as well. You don't look quite that defenseless."  
Lay caught a glimpse of a cheeky grin and couldn't help but liking this young man.  
The grin was gone in an instant though and turned into a serious expression.  
"Let me tell you... I am indeed aware. And so was the me before this. The manipulative one. But ahead of this... It will not get any easier, quite the opposite, actually. If you would want to give me a label, call me 'rationality'. Next to the very core it's me who keeps everything in check. I do not know about other people, but I can guess that everyone has some sort of a leading trait."  
"That's right.", Lay readily agreed, "Everyone is driven by something."  
"Really... So what about **you**?" he directly asked with an imploring look.  
The atmosphere had suddenly tensed up and Lay tried to keep his non-threatening aura, to sound friendly.  
"I am in perfect balance with myself. There are no hidden layers. There is just me. Therefore, if you kill me, I wake up.  
It's the most desired state as a dream-therapist."  
"Oh? Well. I can't say I believe in this theory."  
The brunette kept smiling patiently.  
"It has proven itself to be true numerous times before."  
"There's no point in arguing, anyway.", he easily brushed him off as he got back on track, "What I was meaning to tell you is that I am this 'drive', as you've put it. That's the reason why I know about most things that are going on. I know about my emotions, my problems, my fears. I am well-aware. Or rather, I was. Until one day, I wasn't anymore. That is to say, it was a gradual process. Right at this moment, I cannot see my very inner 'self'. And as I have already stated, I am only the second instance. Whatever is happening deep inside... myself-"  
He focused on Lay and for a moment his voice grew more urgent and lost a bit of the perfect composure he'd shown so far.  
"- _it's ripping everything apart_. I can feel it in this moment. Everything is starting to slowly go out of control. And now that you have entered the picture, it's getting increasingly harder to stop the process. I know that you have good intentions. I'm not going to stand in your way, for it would be counterproductive if I struggle as you kill me - a blow to rationality is the last thing that I need. But I'm asking you, no, I'm begging you... Please don't lose to me."  
  
Lay looked at him a little numb before nodding in determination.  
"I will give my all. Can you give me a little heads up pf what's waiting for me?"  
Kyungsoo rubbed his temples as if the answer was hard to focus on.  
"You probably know - the deeper you go inside, the more basic the urges. There's distrust, fear and a few others. But I can't give you the exact order, since everything is getting messy. Just know that the second last layer is dangerous. I don't know your standards, but I think that my mind is a little... cunning."  
Lay laughed soundlessly, despite the seriousness of everything.  
"What an understatement. Let me tell you: In comparison to all my cases, you're by far the most complex one."  
Kyungsoo smiled as if it had been another great compliment. Which it had been.  
  
They both felt that the conversation ended there and Lay rose, feeling genuinely refreshed.  
Kyungsoo relaxed one more time and leaned back in his chair, waiting patiently as Lay pulled out his gun.  
He already aimed at his forehead and the boy closed his eyes to feel less unsettled.  
Then he hesitated though.  
"One last thing..."  
Kyungsoo only hummed in acknowledgment.  
"Can you tell me what did happen?"  
"Hm... It's a long story and I don't think you have enough time. Let's just say that the world in my head is decisively more lively and welcoming than the one I'm supposed to live in.  
And there's not even anyone here. Consider this."  
He pulled the trigger.

 

    Darkness engulfed him as the windowless rooms encased him. As usual, a minimum of light just existed, without making any sense at all. Everything seemed dirty and run-down. A long-forgotten place.  
The sound of ripping paper was cutting through the silence.

It looked like an empty apartment with rather low ceilings, only leaving a hand-width between him and the peeling tapestry.  
The peeling tapestry. It covered not only the ceiling, but also the entire walls and floors.  
As if ripped by a hundred claws the shavings were curling into themselves, tempting him to pull at them and rip them down like dried up skin. The topmost layer was a plain flowery one, but he could already spot a diversity of patterns benath it.  
He tentatively stepped out of the room and into a hallway, following the irregular sounds echoing through the empty complex.  
The corridor was already littered with paper shavings in various sizes where someone -presumably Kyungsoo- had ripped off a few layers, only to move on.  
His eyes widened when he finally did find Kyungsoo. Or rather, when he saw a glimpse of his jet-black hair since he was almost drowning in shreds of paper. Due to the noise he didn't notice him and Lay couldn't help but stare at the shreds to his feet. The further he got, the more specific did the patterns seem to become. Currently everything seemed to be covered in hand-written sheets of paper. He carefully lifted a shred close to him and his eyes scanned the rather clumsy handwriting of a child.

_"My weekend  
On Saturday, my grandma died.  
I am very sad. But my parents are not that sad. My mother said that it was about time she died. I think she said this because it was not her mother, and because she always argued with her. My father didn't look so sad, either-"_

"Who are you?!"  
Lay flinched a little and looked up to meet the alarmed eyes of Kyungsoo.  
"I'm-"  
"Y-you shouldn't be here, why- why are you here?"  
"Please calm down-" he began with his hands raised in what was supposed to be a soothing manner, but Kyungsoo flinched back and cowered a little.  
"NO! You- You want to kill me, I know it!"  
For a second he pressed his back against the wall, shaking with his stuttering breath; then he turned around and began to rip down the paper with even more fervor, as if he expected to find an exit beneath all the layers.  
"You want to break me-", he mumbled while ripping down layer for layer of handwritten essays, "You want to break me- I'm not gonna lose, I can't-"  
It was futile, Lay thought, as he aimed at his head. He wouldn't calm down. It was pure hysteria. What he didn't expect was for Kyungsoo to duck away and turn around as if he had felt the threat and stare at him with terror in his eyes.  
"No-" he breathed out and when Lay quickly adjusted his aim, he lifted both his arms in a protective manner and pressed his eyes shut.  
Lay shot.  
"NO!"  
The dream evaporated before the bullet met it's goal.

 

    Kyungsoo had woken up.

Yixing stared at the clean ceiling with his quickened heartbeat dully thrumming in his ear.  
The lights of passing cars wandered along the walls and silence covered him like a blanket.

 

    He stood on the spiral staircase and the hasty footsteps approaching him became louder. Suddenly they stopped though. Even though he waited for a few moments, nothing happened. With confusion and a raised gun he ascended a few stairs until he found Kyungsoo sitting on one of the short even plateaus, his face buried in his hands.  
When he was close enough to see the tiny scratches on his fingers, he lifted his head to look at him. Every ounce of determination and aggression gone. In fact, he looked almost dead.  
"I'm tired." he murmured.  
"I... I give up."  
"W-what?" Lay breathed out in disbelief.  
"You can't-"  
"It's no use, that's the way it is..."  
Without thinking Lay kneeled down and put his hands on the narrow shoulders.  
"Don't, Kyungsoo. If you give up, it's all over."  
"Maybe I want it to be over." he whispered as he suddenly leant forwards, burying his face in Lay's neck. His skin was warm, yet wet where tears stained his cheeks. The inky hair was as silky as he had thought it would be and his skin was warm and soft.  
It felt good.  
_Very good, even._  
_But..._  
The whisper cut the eery silence.  
"Just end it..."  
_No..._

 

    Yixing woke up. The sun was hanging low, casting a few dusty rays of golden light in between the slits of his curtains.  
It took him a few seconds to process what had happened.  
_He had dreamed about Kyungsoo. Again._  
_This was getting out of hand._

 

    He had felt a little wary before going to sleep.  
Now he rubbed his neck and tried to strengthen his composure as he stood in the crimson grass.  
It was evident that things were starting to fall apart. The brick walls nearby were getting blurry and he was sure he saw the benches flickering once.  
The only thing remaining completely steady was the grass, which looked even more vivid than before.

"Did you know about white flowers being able to absorb color?"  
Lay whirled around to see Kyungsoo lying in the grass on his back, his arms spread out and eyes looking up at the white sky.  
"Yes." he carefully replied while approaching him. He couldn't help but notice that the nearby alleyway was still remarkably sharp and detailed. Almost as if he had just walked it down seconds before.  
"As a kid I thought it would work that way with any kind of plant."  
Kyungsoo laughed soundlessly.  
"Of course it doesn't."  
  
Maybe Lay should just shoot him quickly and move on.  
But if he did that, he would not be able to understand the workings of his mind.  
He had to get a hold of every available information. Find the source of it all.  
So he sat down next to him, trying not to stare too obviously.  
"During High School, I remembered. Back then, when I was practically crawling out of the alley, lying in the grass like some forgotten, homeless kid."  
His voice sounded almost nostalgic, albeit fully laced with bitterness.  
"Back then I still had a cellphone, but already no one to call anymore. So I was lying here with that useless phone, blood trickling from my head. It wasn't the first time lying here or bleeding, but the head... That was a first.  
Maybe I got a little woozy due to blood-loss cause, you know, head-injuries bleed like crazy. But I kept thinking: What if it _would_ work? What if the grass would actually soak up all the blood and turn red? Everyone would have to live with the reality they try to ignore so desperately."  
He closed his eyes and sighed in exhaustion.  
"But what difference would it make, really? People who don't want to see, won't. No matter what you do. They'll just wear their emerald-green glasses and continue to see their pretty green grass. Like the people from Oz..." he murmured, trailing off into the distance.

 

    Kyungsoo stood at the window and looked outside across the deserted schoolyard.  
"No one's gonna miss me..."  
He saw a hole where the board was supposed to be, leading into a tunnel that looked suspiciously like an underground staircase.  
The layers were starting to blur together. This was _bad_.  
Undeterred, Kyungsoo tilted his head and let his fingers glide over the windowframe.  
"When I was 14, I ran away from home. I waited until the maids had their days off. It took them three days to notice I'm gone."  
He turned and looked at Lay with a weak smile.  
"After that, the maids didn't have a day off anymore."

Kyungsoo lowered his gaze again.  
"You know, I did feel sorry for them at first. It was a young woman and a man. They were a couple, actually. But I realized soon that they didn't feel any more about me than me being their duty. And no one specifically told them to be friendly, you see..."  
He turned back to the window, as if he was expecting to see someone down there.

"I miss my friends..." he whispered suddenly, his eyes shining with unshed tears.  
"Jongin and Sehun... They were so silly, but they were all I had.  
I regret pushing them away... I regret it **so much** now.  
I wish I could see them one last time." he ended with a choked voice.  
Lay had only taken one step when Kyungsoo suddenly leaned forwards and, without any warning, let himself fall out of the window almost gently.

 

    He was running after Kyungsoo, the stairs rushing past him in a blur of colors. Down, down, down.  
Suddenly he heard a dull thud and Kyungsoo stopped. He almost ran into him, almost ran into the dead end.  
A solid-looking wall, covered in layers and layers of paper.  
"No-" Kyungsoo breathed out in terror, palms flat against the unforgiving surface.  
"NO, t-this is not right-"  
He began scratching and ripping at the paper, completely taken over by panic and not even flinching as his hasty movements drew blood from his injured fingers.  
_Flower motives, waves, forests, photos with faceless persons-_

"I need to go down, I need to! It's the only place I'm safe in-"  
_Blood puddles on asphalt, glass shards, pills-_

"In the basement - I can fight the monster down there, no one can see me up here-"  
_Disturbing nonsensical scribbles, psychedelic colorful patterns-_

"I must not be seen-"

A shot.  
_Silence._

 

    Glass walls and ceilings. A perfect cubicle with no exit.  
A sea of flowers.  
It made a sploshing sound when Kyungsoo turned around to face him, his bare feet almost covered to the ankles in blood.  
Big, innocent eyes blinked up at him while trembling white fingers kept digging into the deep gashes along his upper arms. Markings in the form of scratches left blood to run down his arms, exposed ankles and the sides of his neck.  
Deep but steady breaths left the slightly parted lips as he looked at him with slight detachment, no, _madness_.  
And for a fraction of a moment... Lay felt scared.  
Scared of himself, as he felt the tug of fascination at the grotesque sight.

And a few petals were already turning into a transparent shade of red at the edges.

 

    "It's glass."  
"Mhm... You're right." Kyungsoo said with mild, but genuine interest as he looked into the sea of glass shards burying the tracks below.  
"Ah, so nostalgic..." he hummed while softly dangling his legs back and forth, his voice conversational to the point of being casual.  
"Brings back the memories of the first time my father slapped me. I was twelve when he one day flung my printed chat history at me. Silly me had written to my friends about joining writing contests and the like.  
I don't think he intended to push me into that glass shelf but boy, did it hurt. I remember sitting in my dark room and searching for a splinter of glass in my foot for an awfully long time under my desk lamp's light. I was already twelve so it was alright though."  
He threw him a side-glance, still completely calm about it.  
"You see, my mother got me before that; in elementary school. It was about that essay I wrote, mindlessly exposing a bit too much. But she only ever did it once and there was no glass involved... Well, the first times will always stay in special memory, don't you think?"

Kyungsoo tilted his head from one side to the other while reminiscing.  
"Ah... Back then, I was _terrified_ of the pain. But now... Now I'd be able to rightfully appreciate it."  
With this, he jumped.  
There was no abyss and no train this time, so he actually landed.  
Lay looked away as he heard the clinking of glass getting dislocated.  
And the sharp intake of air as the shards stuck.  
He exhaled in a shaky laugh.  
And Lay couldn't resist the urge to watch.  
Watch Kyungsoo sliding deeper into the mass of glass with every movement as he easily left his hands to dig into it and swoop the shards up like a palm of water.  
Observe the sharp edges cutting up his clothes and skin as he smilingly looked up at him with amusement in his crinkling eyes.  
"I wonder what kind of expression he'd have worn-", he leisurely said, lifting his palms, "-if I hadn't cried but reacted like _this_."  
And Lay pressed his eyes closed when Kyungsoo opened his mouth to let the glass rain down on him.  
He didn't open them until he felt the dream evaporating.  
It didn't happen immediately.

 

    It was time for the stage he had always feared most.  
Before the surroundings had even settled on a deserted metropolis, he was already running. Staying in motion was the key. He definitely couldn't fail anymore. A shot missed him, and another one followed it's wake.  
He didn't turn around because he _knew_ Kyungsoo was after him.  
Instead he took a sharp corner and fled into a huge construction site of a shopping mall, hoping for cover.  
Zigzagging between pillars and walls he desperately tried to get a little distance between him and his pursuer.  
He halted behind a wide pillar in the middle of a hall, listening to Kyungsoo's footsteps slowing down, becoming more tentative as he kept looking out for him.  
Lay was highly alert from head to toe. He didn't make any sound since he was concentrating on the fact that this was not reality and he therefore didn't feel the need to breathe or twitch.  
  
"Where the fuck are you hiding? I'm DONE playing games with you." he heard his angry voice echoing through the perfectly lit hall.  
_Oh, the manipulative one is_ _done playing_ , a sarcastic voice inside his head said. But he kept deadly silent as he tried to locate the origin of his steps.  
"You keep coming back like a damn virus. Or rather like a parasite - a pathetic little thing that has no home of it's own and needs others to survive. I won't let you feed of me, COME OUT!" he broke out in sudden aggression and Lay almost forgot about his missing earthly urges and gasped.  
The steps halted.  
"You know what? I am done with this shit. Who do you even think you are?", he wondered out loud incredulously, "You think you can beat me in my own fucking territory? I OWN this world. And it will never, EVER play in your favor."  
At this, he felt the pillar behind him giving way and with wide eyes he ducked and instantly shot forward while the whole building seemed to melt from top to bottom.  
He had no time to whirl around and aim at Kyungsoo, being fully occupied with avoiding any hits. Instead he set foot on the streets again and whizzed around a corner where he saw a huge sky scraper falling to block his path, throwing a shadow ahead and setting him to stumble back.  
With a curse on his lips he did the only thing he could and flew around with his gun raised.  
Their eyes met and even though Lay knew that a huge building had just crashed into a million pieces closely behind him, no sound at all was heard while they aimed at each others head, stilling at a 5 meter's distance.  
"You're such an arrogant bastard. You think you're better than me, huh?" Kyungsoo hissed.  
Lay didn't even blink.  
"Let me tell you - you aren't. In fact, you're easily below me. What are you compensating by doing all this? What's your reason to wake up? Is there **anyone** waiting for you?" he inquired sharply and Lay's fingers twitched around the gun, barely visibly.  
Kyungsoo laughed shortly, having observed his tiny reaction very well.  
"No matter how often you keep coming here, I will fuck you up again and again and AGAIN-"  
At the last word, things happened all at once.  
Lay shot but missed the target since the floor rapidly sank in as if due to an earthquake and a loud, female voice cut through the noise of it all.  
"Yixing!"  
Before he could stop himself, his head flew around to search for the source of the voice and when he whirled back to shoot, Kyungsoo also pulled the trigger.

And Lay felt the bullet hitting him.

 

    He awoke in a bed of wild flowers, the golden sky shining warmly above him.  
Lay sat up and recognition settled in as his gaze trailed over the garden and the wooden veranda.  
Then he remembered.  
_Kyungsoo shot me.  
I am no longer in his dream.  
Which means this is **my** dream._  
This would explain why the scenery was less vivid than before. He even thought he saw flickerings from the side of his vision while taking the stairs to approach Kyungsoo, who sat in the same chair he had previously occupied.  
"Lay." he calmly greeted him with a small, sad smile. He looked a little worn-out, but other than that just like the Kyungsoo he had already encountered once.  
Lay knew that he shouldn't commit himself to his own dream. It would only weaken his firm resolution.  
So he just stood there, not showing any reaction.  
"You're damaged.", Kyungsoo stated matter-of-factly.  
"I'm not in your head anymore... I think I even left during the last stage. I don't understand this..." Lay whispered more to himself than anything while sinking into the chair with his face buried in his palms.  
Of course his made-up Kyungsoo would react the way his brain perceived him to.  
Analytic and sensible.  
But his voice was unexpectedly careful.  
"Why would you think that?"  
  
Lay sighed.  
"I heard my name. You, no, _Kyungsoo_ does not know my name. I must have slipped into my own dream. Or maybe I've been there from the very beginning? I'm not even sure myself... Fact is, this is not Kyungsoo's conscious anymore. I should wake up."  
"Wait-", he interrupted him rather urgently while getting up to crouch in front of him, a tentative hand placed on his kneecap, "You're confused. Don't do anything rash. Take your time to think it through."  
Lay gave in and pulled his hands away to face Kyungsoo.  
"No matter how realistic you behave... You're in my head. Whatever you say now, you cannot convince me otherwise. Because whatever you do simply mirrors what I think you would do."  
"You're confusing yourself even further. Calm down." he firmly repeated with his wide eyes looking up at him seriously.  
"You don't have to listen to me. Listen to yourself. Does it make sense that you seamlessly jump into your own dream? If there's a wrong information, how could it have gotten there?"  
Lay looked at him. He made sense.  
And that was kinda scary, considering that his own head made him believe he was **not** in his own head.  
And for some reason, he also felt a little... irritated.  
"It makes perfect sense. I was shot. If I die, I leave the conscious."  
"Last time we met you proclaimed that if you die, you _wake up_." Kyungsoo replied without missing a beat.

"Look. The only thing tripping you up is your own misguided impression of yourself. Your hurt pride, so to say. Because you cannot consider the possibility that your inner self is not in perfect harmony."  
"I can't give in to you. You're trying to weaken my balance."  
Kyungsoo didn't even flinch.  
"So you think your own head w-hich you think I am a part of- is trying to destroy your inner harmony? If that's the case, wouldn't you have been messed up in the first place already?"  
He was going to get a headache. But what he said still made sense.  
Lay sat up straight and inhaled deeply. Kyungsoo waited patiently, not attempting to talk him into anything.  
_Concentrate.  
Gather the facts.  
I got shot. But I didn't wake up.  
I might be either in my dream or still in Kyungsoo's conscious.  
Would I remember his dream well enough to recreate it with such accuracy after only seeing it once?  
Maybe._  
He ruffled his hair in frustration. How could he find out where he was?  
He couldn't just force himself to wake up either if there was only a minuscule chance of him still being in Kyungsoo's mind. After all, things were rapidly escalating and he couldn't be sure how much longer Kyungsoo's mind would be able to take this.  
Or his own mind, for that matter.

Then a thought occurred to him as he looked down at Kyungsoo who hadn't moved an inch, patiently waiting with his hand calmly resting on his knee while he unwaveringly looked at him.  
A quiet, albeit dangerous thought.  
A dangerous thought with a plausible perspective.

He decided to leave behind any vanity and trust this plausability, because that's the way he worked. If all of this was his own dream he would come to regret weakening his mind in the morning but it was a risk he was willing to take, considering the circumstances.  
Still, there was one thing missing.  
"How did my sister's voice make it into this mind?" he wondered out loud.  
Kyungsoo shortly shook his head.  
"I don't know. You're coming right out of the manipulative stage though. Maybe there was some kind of trick. I have no idea."  
Lay nodded to himself.  
For a few seconds, he kept steadying his breath and re-gaining his self-control.  
When he opened his eyes again, he had already pointed his weapon at Kyungsoo - who seemed almost relieved at the sight, his voice even but laced with urgency.  
"I'll repeat myself. Please don't lose to me.  
_Don't lose sight of neither me nor you_. Please."

This time he didn't close his eyes while Lay pulled the trigger.  
Presumably because he was aware that this was the last try Kyungsoo's mind would be able to take.

 

    The sound of ripping paper filled the air. Irregular, hasty ripping. Lay even thought he heard him mumble in between.  
He didn't immediately look for him though. Instead he took in the empty room he was standing in. The lighting was dim and he saw the reflection of non-existing water dancing over the paper on the walls. It seemed even darker than last time.  
_This is not my mind.  
It's Kyungsoo's._  
Repeating this one more time, he tentatively stepped towards a wall and his fingers grasped the rolled up end of a paper showing an extract of a kid's crude drawing.  
He still had to find out more about Kyungsoo, had to find the actual cause for the disturbance but directly approaching hysteria was obviously a bad idea.  
Lay hesitated. He felt a little... off.  
As if his desire to understand Kyungsoo was becoming exactly that - A personal desire with no professional background.  
  
His fingers tightened and very slowly he ripped the paper down, revealing a depicted ruined schoolbook lying in a filled bathroom sink. He pulled at another jutted piece. An opened door revealing steps to the basement.  
Lay kept pulling down layer for layer, each throwing up more questions than they actually shed light on.  
He recognized the broken glass shelf and a tiny, bloody piece of glass lying on a night stand.  
But mostly he couldn't place what he saw. When he stuck to one place, he came to notice something though. Pulling away huge sheets of paper he felt like watching a scene unfold itself, though cut and jumpy.  
He saw a bedroom door.  
_Rip._  
An opened door revealing a simple room with a bed and a wardrobe.  
_Rip._  
A close up on the wardrobe, weirdly angled from the side, showing mostly the wall.  
_Rip._  
A very close view on the dark crack between the furniture and the wall, dark and gaping... But what was that?  
Lay halted, his fingers already having found the next jutted area to pull. He pressed his face close to the wall and his free hand carefully sweeped over the tapestry. There was something in the dark. He could almost feel it, rustling like... Oh.  
_Rip._  
And then, the handwritten papers began to stretch over the vast area he had uncovered.  
He leaned in close to read the scattered shreds of paper.

  
_March 21st, 2006  
Yesterday, dad found out about everything I texted Jongin and Sehun about the writing contest in June. He slapped me and I tumbled into our glass shelf.  
I hate him so much, I wish I could just run away.  
But I can't. I can't.  
After all, I'm only 12. I'm not stupid._

_So I found a new hiding place for my texts.  
I'm sure no one will find them anymore._

  
_August 20th, 2005  
In the morning, D.O feels all numb from crying and hating things.  
Hating things is very exhausting, after all.  
Liking things is soothing, not caring is... well, not caring and loving things is exhausting as well._

_His parents are always exhausted.  
So is the housemaid._

  
_February 2nd, 2002_

_Today Tao told me at school that basements are scary.  
I think there's nothing scary about it.  
And overall, eight year olds really shouldn't be scared of the basement anymore.  
But I didn't laugh at him because that would be mean.  
To be honest, I even like our basement.  
When I want to cry or hide, I always come here.  
Because mother doesn't like it when I cry.  
And in the house, lots of things happen that I should not see.  
When I want to do something fun, I can always come here._

_I wish I could show Tao, but he might tell my parents._

He was about to dig for the rest of the oldest entry when a panicked scream cut the silence.  
Lay whirled around and ran down the corridor in search of Kyungsoo.  
He had gotten far too immersed - if Kyungsoo woke up now, it was all over.  
Skidding around the corner with his gun already raised, he was met with Kyungsoo's wide and wet eyes as he crawled a bit into his direction, his eyes flitting between him and the wall he had been clawing at.  
There were so many pieces of crumpled paper around that it took Lay a while to get to him and see the reason for his disturbance. As soon as he stood next to him, a strong hand was pitifully gripping his leg and he heard a few choked whimpers in between ragged breathing.  
Lay whisked away a few loose sheets and jumped back when an eye stared at him from one small shred of tapestry, unblinking but grotesquely ripped open and clearly alive. Unfortunately Kyungsoo had been holding onto his ankle, causing him to fall into the sea of ripped paper that noisily crushed beneath him.  
His gaze hadn't left the wall where several parts of tapestry depicted eyes, boring into his' as if staring through the crack of the other layers. Hands, slowly scratching against the paper. Suds of a foreign black and red liquid slowly coming to the surface and dripping down the wall.  
Kyungsoo scrambled closer and pressed his face into Lay's chest, who in turn firmly gripped his shoulder in a protective manner.  
He felt bruises forming where the strong, but trembling fingers were digging into his skin.  
_He also felt his clavicle getting wet from the shorter one's tears; like that time when-_  
_No_ , he thought, shaking his head violently.  
_Focus. This is Kyungsoo's mind.  
Not mine.  
Right?  
...Right?_  
  
Balling his hand to a fist, his fingers suddenly touched a soft and mushy surface and he flinched away, tearing his gaze from both the wall and the black mop of hair as looked down at his left hand.  
He had crumpled a left-over shred of paper depicting and covered in... mold.  
It felt like a disgusting, yet at the same time freeing realization.  
_The dreams are melting together._  
When he pulled the trigger, he was still securing the broken Kyungsoo in his arms.

 

    Lay sat on a bed, his back leaning against the headrest.  
In a way he knew this room, though in reality he didn't. The last time he saw it was on a piece of ripped tapestry, in another angle. Immediately he looked to the right where he saw the heavy wooden wardrobe and searched for the crack between the back of it and the wall. It was actually there-  
"Hey." a soft voice called from his left and he almost jumped as he felt a head leaning on his shoulder.  
It was undoubtedly Kyungsoo. And this was the first time he initiated skin contact without searching or trying to give any comfort. It was off-putting.  
Especially when he felt his nose nuzzling into the crook of his neck, traveling higher as he practically rubbed their cheeks together in search of body warmth, a barely audible sigh breathed into his ear.  
Lay stiffened. Right. He knew the meaning of this.  
And it was a very definite no-go.  
He tried to avoid his touch by leaning to the other side and lightly pushing him away.  
"Kyungsoo, let's not do this." he calmly said, willing the tingly feeling spreading from his ear to stay out of his voice.  
Instead of backing away, Kyungsoo only rested his palms on each of his shoulder and hoisted himself into Lay's lap, both thighs spread and framing Lay's own long legs.  
"Why?" he breathed out and the trace of his deep voice sent a shiver down his spine as he looked into the deep, dark orbs.  
The body over him rocked lightly into his' and he instinctively placed his hands on the narrow waist to stop the movement.  
Kyungsoo leaned in closer until only a hand-width was separating them.  
"Why not? This is a dream. It's not real. No one will call us out for this." he slowly said and he caught a tinge of a plead between the lines.  
Lay swallowed.  
"This is not what you want. You don't need to understand it, it's okay."  
This didn't bode well with Kyungsoo who bit his lip -his soft-looking, plump bottom lip- and ground into him a second time, more insisting. A choked sound escaped his firmly shut lips.  
The hands on his waist did nothing to help him when Kyungsoo's warm upper body was pressed flushed against his' and warm lips were mouthing along his throat.  
"Don't be like this..." he murmured between his lips meeting his skin, barely detaching himself which caused Lay to feel his voice vibrating against his neck and his lips brushing his skin while talking.  
"I want it. I clearly want it, don't I? _God_ , this feels nice..."  
When he drew back, Lay felt as if the world kept spinning in sync with his movements.  
"Come on... Indulge yourself." he whispered with his slender hands rubbing circles on his shoulders.  
Lay was completely enthralled by his eyes at that point. Never before had he gotten the chance to appreciate them like that.  
So deep and mysterious, yet inviting and vulnerable.  
Usually he wouldn't be so affected.  
_Right?_  
"I'm not that... experienced..." Kyungsoo murmured while breaking their eye contact for a moment, licking his lips in an innocently nervous manner that had his insides twitch in interest. The Kyungsoo on the veranda hadn't been that attractive.  
No, that wasn't it. He hadn't been that _seductive_.  
"But I'm... willing. You can do whatever you want with me. Don't hold back..." he tentatively continued while leaning in once more. Lay held his breath. He was being completely genuine about it. No playing it up, no purposeful moves, just an innocent and very attractive young man. Pliant and very much willing indeed.  
"I'll be good, I promise."  
Lay snapped and closed the tiny gap to brush his lips against Kyungsoo's. Soft, gentle and so, so good already. It set his insides fluttering to an extent that he almost felt dizzy and he steadied himself by repeating the action, a little more urgently.  
The seconds their lips had touched, Kyungsoo practically melted against him with a satisfied sigh.  
He shouldn't, he shouldn't, _he shouldn't_.  
Eros, the counterpart of Thanatos.  
The carnal desire, deeply buried in every living being.  
_He really shouldn't._  
And yet Lay found his hands already slipping beneath the woolen sweater to get access to the soft skin below.  
No logical explanation came to mind.  
There was just something inside him, a certain urge to... claim this free spirit.  
To tether this innocent yet alluring boy to him. Some sort of impatient tug. He wanted to take this opportunity, this once in a lifetime chance. Whatever happened after the treatment, whomever he would open up to or end up with - Kyungsoo would always wear his mark deep, deep down where no one could touch him the way he did.  
He'd wear his trace. His.  
  
It was too complicated a thought to keep his mind wrapped around as the boy on top of him experimentally nibbled on his bottom lip. He was indeed inexperienced but lacked a sense of bashfulness and urged on by his desperation he willingly parted his lips for Lay.  
The surprised mewl he let out when their tongues met shot straight down his crotch where he forcefully held Kyungsoo by then, pressing him down in a pace he preferred.  
Pale fingers were dancing along the fabric, opening the buttons of his black dress shirt one by one without breaking their kiss. Lay reveled in the shudder he felt running through the other's body while he kept the kiss hot but languid, dirty yet somewhat unhurried as he unraveled the innocent Kyungsoo piece by piece. Every desperate little kitten-sound riling him up more than he showed him.  
Instead he kept being a firm anchor, being in control.  
While Kyungsoo eagerly explored his upper body with his hands and mouth, he buried his nose in the silky hair and inhaled his scent. It was intoxicating. The scent, the warmth, the soft and pliant skin beneath his fingertips... Those pretty lips felt at least as amazing as he thought they would and the way his face slightly scrunched up in concentration made him want to ruin him thoroughly.  
One of his hands reassuringly rested on his head as Kyungsoo traveled lower, not leaving any inch of his upper body untouched. He sighed breathily.  
When was the last time he had been touched like that, all gentle and devoted?  
Lay vaguely asked himself when he had opened his pants since his own free hand had slipped down the back of Kyungsoo's, slowly but insistingly rocking his lithe body against him.  
Kyungsoo not only complied but moaned almost eagerly, while his lips reached the hem of his pants. A delightful shudder ran through his entire body as the plush lips mouthed along the length of his very hard bulge and Lay hissed, trying not to apply pressure to the back of his head.  
It was when deep dark eyes looked up at him with dilated pupils while slightly swollen lips remained attached to the fabric of his underwear, softly sucking that he finally snapped out of the haze.  
What graced him with this realization?  
Probably those same gorgeous eyes that had tempted him in the first place.  
Those orbs swimming with purity.  
  
"Wait... No. No, no, no..." he mumbled repeatedly and tried to blink the haze away, wetting his lips as he carefully pulled Kyungsoo up again who whined in protest.  
As not to unsettle him any further, he softly motioned him to turn around in his lap and Kyungsoo obeyed easily.  
He could feel his fluttering heartbeat with one hand roaming below his shirt.  
There was still the stubborn desire that told him to take him, taint him, **_keep_ ** him.  
Lay left a few lingering kisses along his neck and ear, blowing a bit of hot air against it; but it was purely professional this time. And maybe also a little payback for the pleasure he had received.  
He was careful to shoot him in a way he would instantly vanish.

 

    Floor materialized between his feet and a perfectly synchronized clicking noise resounded as Lay and Kyungsoo raised and aimed their gun simultaneously.  
Without missing a beat, they both stood unmoving. Daring the other to make a move. Lay would have liked to access his surroundings but there was obviously no chance to do so. What he did see, from the corner of his eyes, were a ton of differently shaped mirrors hanging in the air. Everything was weirdly bright green and artificial with the mirrors adding to the surreal atmosphere.  
"I know what you are." Kyungsoo said in firm determination.  
"And what would that be?" Lay replied calmly, his eyes not straying from the gun.  
"You're a psychologist. You have been sent to manipulate me."  
"That's not what psychologists usually do." he softly retorted.  
Kyungsoo huffed in disbelief.  
"It's what they _always_ do. I don't trust you. What did my father tell you when he sent you? Did he tell you to 'fix me'? Do you know what this means?"  
Let him talk. It was always a good thing to keep the patient talking in the hopes for an opening to show up.  
"I don't. I figured they wanted to prevent you from harming yourself."  
"And why? For what purpose? Let me enlighten you-", he began in a sudden mood of generosity, "-because a dead kid means bad press. Because they're scared I might leave behind all their dirty little secrets. Because they want me to function and enter the company my father has founded. You think I'm a cliche rich heir fleeing his responsibilities? You think he'd want me to be his heir? Hah. Nooo. No, no. I'm not an heir. I might become their secretary, if I keep crouching in the dust. If I sell my name to the company so they can overwrite anything perilous to me."  
He moved his gun slowly so Lay's gaze was close enough to flit over and focus on his scornful one.  
  
"There's obviously no reason to trust my parents. Only a fool would do so. So why would I trust you not to fuck me up and turn me into their plaything? There's absolutely no reason to. Do you even have an official license?"  
"I sure do, if you must know."  
"Oh, really. But is it a full one with doctor certificate, training and all?"  
Lay was silent.  
Kyungsoo took this as a sign to shake his head with a sardonic smile.  
"Of course my parents would look for the cheapest way if it was about me. They probably aimed to bribe you into illegal stuff since you're officially less worthy than those other graduates with enough money to pay for the full license. They sure thought you were desperate enough to comply at the prospect of a high fee. And how in the world would I know that you are not?"  
"What makes you think that I am untrustworthy so far?" Lay calmly asked. Staying composed was all that mattered now.  
He almost flinched at the bellowing laugh.  
"Oh please! What would have convinced me otherwise? I don't know how much experience you have-"  
"Six years."  
"-and I don't care since you're obviously not professional. How many tries did you need to get here? Four? In which way is this excusable? And let's not forget that you're personally lusting after me."  
"Why would you say that? Because of the stage I come from? I clearly stopped myself in time."  
"But barely. _Barely_. And don't act like it was something linked to me seducing you. You've been lusting for me ever since you first laid eyes on me. Don't act all coy. I know. Before this, when you were doubting the reality of everything, back in the garden... You came to the conclusion that this is indeed my head. Why? _Because I didn't make a move on you, unlike I obviously do in your own dreams_."  
For the first time, Lay's voice actually wavered.  
"W-what? You can't possibly be certain about this."  
"I'm certain enough to be aware and your reaction only further confirms it."  
There was nothing Lay could add to that. Nothing that would not set him off.  
_Nothing that wouldn't be a lie._  
"Now you know I'm not stupid. I don't trust my parents since they're trying to break me. I don't trust our maids since they have and will betray me again and again. I didn't even trust my so-called friends cause they would have left me. And I sure as hell don't trust you."  
 The silence was final. And yet they were still in a stalemate. All the while Kyungsoo hadn't let his guard down even once.  
Lay nodded a little to himself in acknowledgment.  
"Alright then. What you say is true. I'm not a liar, after all. So tell me then... How can I redeem myself? What do I have to do in order to convince you of my good intentions?"

"Die."  
The answer came resolutely, without missing a beat.  
"What?"  
"Die. I wasn't joking. If you are willing strip yourself of your walls, I'll let you continue."  
"I don't have any-"  
"You said you're no liar!" Kyungsoo hissed sharply and Lay shut up immediately.  
"You've been shot and yet you are here. Clearly you have your own set of borders, don't be delusional. This is the only offer I'm making: If you are willing to dispose yourself, I'll let you go. It only makes sense regarding my interests. If you have good intentions as you say, you'll have no trouble baring at least a fraction of what I had to endure unwillingly.  
If you want to manipulate me, it will get considerably harder if you're stripped of one layer and reduced to a more primitive level."

For a second, it was quiet.  
"You're very smart." Lay said cautiously.  
Kyungsoo only vaguely shrugged.  
"It's your decision. Of course, if you miraculously don't have anything beneath this layer of yourself it's gonna be bad, huh? Cause by now, the other ones are getting aware of you as well..."  
Lay pondered. He was now in another pinch next to the obvious one including a gun pointed at him.  
Should he take the risk?  
It had worked once. But would he be able to keep functioning properly if he got shot again?  
_What is left resting inside myself?_

"I'll... Do it."  
Kyungsoo looked at him with one brow raised, clearly waiting for him to take the decision back.  
But he wasn't going to - after all, he had come this far and everything was pretty messed up already. If he woke up now it would probably be for the better, even.  
"I'll do it...", he repeated, returning his gaze firmly, "So how are we going about this?"  
"Let's make it simple. On the count of three, we both shoot."  
This time, Lay huffed.  
"So now I'm supposed to trust you, based on that?"  
"You have no choice."  
"A valid point. Very well, then. I'll leave it to you to count."  
They both stilled their slow movements, and Kyungsoo looked him deep in the eye.

"One..."

"Two."

They both pulled the trigger at the exact same moment.

 

    "Three" a voice whispered directly into his ear and Lay whirled around, lifting his gun and pulling the trigger - only to miss.  
The bullets went right through the figure of Do Kyungsoo who was all dressed in black, wearing a tiny, amused smile.  
Lay tried not to panic. His weapon didn't work. This was bad. Before he could result to any other rash actions though, Kyungsoo had lifted his own black gun and pointed it at his heart. Lay froze in place.  
"Don't be so fidgety." he said in an almost calming, soft voice. If he hadn't met the manipulative side of him so many times already, he would have been inclined to fall for it. Instead he felt even more unsettled.  
And even though his voice was velvety, his gaze was hard.  
Merciless.  
"You tricked the poor, distrusting me." he mildly accused with a tilted head while inching even closer until he didn't have any room to stretch out the arm holding the gun anymore.  
"Poor, pathetic feelings of distrust... Imagine what that did to them."  
He didn't reply to that. His head was busy searching for a way to get through with this. His gun didn't work. Why didn't it?  
Had his will somehow lost strength?  
Was it because he got shot?  
_Then who am I right now?_  
"Aww, aren't you confused now. I can see it in your fluttering eyelids. It's veeery confusing, isn't it?", he said in mock-pity as if talking to a child, "-to be reduced to a less complex level. Now imagine what I am feeling, how many times did you shoot me? How deep have you dug so far?"  
The volume of his voice rose with every question, the mocking replaced with anger as he leaned in.  
"Well, congratulations. Now you're here. Deep, deep down." he breathed out, their lips almost meeting.  
And for the first time in his whole life, Lay felt a genuine pang of fear while inside a dream.

Suddenly he swung Lay around until his back was met with Kyungsoo's front. He knew better than to struggle, the black gun fresh on his mind.  
"Just take a look around!" he said with one hand steadying his upper arm almost gently.  
"Is it like you imagined? Is this what the bottom of a soul should look like?"  
His eyes flitted around to spot something he could use in his advantage but there was nothing at all.  
Nothing but darkness, only dimly lit by flickering, yellowish lamps fixed at the low ceiling. The place didn't seem to end and the dirty asphalt below him stretched on forever. Slight fog was dusting the distance and puddles of what looked like blood filled the area.  
"Now you've come so, so far..." Kyungsoo murmured while his grasp tightened gradually.  
"...but did you figure out the mind of 'Do Kyungsoo' yet? Did you even manage to find anything? Did you spot the so-called flaw? The disturbance? No..." he continued with his voice lowering.  
"And should I tell you why?"  
He leaned in so closely that his lips were brushing against the shell of Lay's ear as he whispered into it.  
"Because there is none."

Lay threw him a side-glance before he could stop himself. The urge to see his facial expression was strong. When he did, he wished he hadn't.  
Kyungsoo was shooting him that small, wicked smile of his again. That smile that told him he knew more than he let on. More than Lay himself.  
"It has always looked like this inside my head. Always."

He backed away half a step to slowly circle around Lay, eyeing him as if he was something vaguely interesting but highly inferior.  
Lay's thoughts were still running wild with every revelation he got, but he decided to keep him talking as he did before.  
"Everything you see here is the true nature of Kyungsoo. The boy with no friends. The loner. The rich kid. The one to beat up. That's what people saw."  
His hand slid down Lay's upper arm in a featheringly light way as he continued at his deliberate pace.

"The quiet one. The lonely one. The scared one. The bitter one. The one to cry onto his writing paper. That's what **no one** ever saw."  
"I did." Lay intervened, his voice barely staying steady as the movements stopped and Kyungsoo's gaze bored into his.  
"Did you? You saw the trembling little eight-year-old boy hiding in the cellar when his drunken parents threw vases and smashed windows? Or the ten-year-old-one, deliberately taking pen and paper into said basement whenever his father decided to loudly fuck the housemaid on the kitchen counter? You know about any of this? Of course you don't. No one does. Because Kyungsoo never told anyone. He knows... He knows everything that's going on, yet no one knows a single thing about him."

"You... No, he, Kyungsoo... Knows about his parents using him for their company." Lay carefully added.  
This Kyungsoo was nothing but built up negativity, ready to unleash it all.  
Like a ticking bomb.  
He had to keep it ticking without setting it off.  
"Yeah, that's not difficult to notice. He also knows about his mother viciously bullying the younger employees at the company she's working at in order to get rid of possible threats. He knows about his father's shady businesses and his sexual affair with the female housemaid.  
Everyone knows the two housemaids are supposedly exclusive, yet Kyungsoo is aware of the fact that the guy knows all-too-well she's sleeping with the house owner. Why does he tolerate it? Because they use the setup to steal stuff around the house."  
Kyungsoo inhaled deeply, calming himself a little.  
"You may wonder why so many things in Kyungsoo's life are based on what happens at his home."  
"...Because he doesn't have any friends anymore." Lay whispered.

"Partly true. It's getting warmer, getting closer. Did you take a good look at Kyungsoo's room? Probably not with you being busy trying not to fuck him right on the spot. Did you see any personal belongings? Photos, books, a computer? A phone even? There were none. Because when he was twelve his father took it all away. Kyungsoo's whole life basically consists of nothing but his home where he is allowed to study and secretly kept writing stories. Oh, and of course school. Wonderful memories all over the place."

"Why... Didn't he leave?"

"Why are _you_ asking so many questions?" he suddenly snapped.  
"Why are you still trying to play games even at this stage? Your arrogance is hard to take.  
FACE IT. You're not in control anymore. When I got you first, you lost it. You thought you had it all in check, did you? You thought your mind was evenly balanced, every emotion clear on the surface - how laughable is that? But below that, below that perfect attitude... You're greedy. Selfish. You wanted to set your duties aside and take innocent, naive me."  
So this was the reason why he had felt so off-  
"Greed. Such an ugly emotion. But just before this, I got you again. So now..." he said, his voice trailing into an even murmuring as he closely inspected his face.  
"-I wonder what kind of a person stands before me at this very moment."  
"I don't know." Lay replied before he could help it. Never openly admit inferiority to your patient.  
"You don't? Funny to hear you say that, cause I just might have a feeling about it."  
_He's trying to manipulate me.  
I need to stay attentive; he could attack me at any time._  
"Yixing!"  
He flinched at the sudden outburst of Kyungsoo, who mildly smiled at him in pity.  
"You thought you were the only one observing, the only one being able to read the signs? Your sister's voice, huh? Judging by her sound and your reaction I'm assuming she's dead. Probably called out to you in panic... You didn't save her, did you? But wait, wasn't there something else-", he listlessly continued with mock-playfulness, "Ah, right! That time when the crude, manipulative me managed to get you off-track with that simple question. Let me repeat it for you: Who is waiting for you if you wake up?"  
Lay tried very hard to keep all the emotions off his face, but the realization bloomed inside himself.  
The me right now, it's-  
"You're _lonely_ , Yixing. Poor, lonely, forgotten Yixing, completely left alone by everyone." Kyungsoo cooed, standing closely behind him with both hands rested on Lay's upper arms.  
Lay didn't say a word. There was nothing to reply.  
"This obviously answers the previous question of what you're trying to compensate... What now though?" he sweetly said, his fingers gliding down his arms before trailing back up.  
"It's game over now. Or is it? Because I could very well imagine having a little fun with you..."  
Lay stared ahead, only twitching when a prick of pain followed by a tiny, but warm stream of liquid trickling down his right arm. A simple pocket knife had been carefully, gently wandering up his arm, increasing the pressure until it had finally pierced the skin.  
_He is right. He is right about everything.  
He was right from the very beginning and also back then... when he looked at me, telling me I was damaged.  
Kyungsoo knew it all along.  
I have no chance of solving this.  
Right now I'm not even worthy enough to be here because I'm lacking._  
"Oh no, what are you going to do now? Should I tell you a little secret about yourself, since you don't seem to know any of them?"  
There was the feeling of his other arm getting slowly cut, the heat of a body pressed against his' and a breathy, sensual voice with lips almost purposefully caressing his ear.  
  
"You're not going to leave. You won't give up. But not because you're strong but because you're _**weak**_. If you leave now, your mind will be too insecure, too damaged to go on with this. Why? Because you're one to break at your failures. You're fragile. You can't handle it. You NEED the success."  
He twisted the knife before pulling it out and a tiny groan of pain escaped his lips while the warmth vanished behind him.  
  
"I am different from you. And that's why you don't stand a chance. Unlike you, I grow on my failures. And _**evolve**_."  
  
Sensing it somehow, Lay jumped to the side and the thrown knife met the asphalt with an echoing clanking noise.  
Kyungsoo laughed shortly, obviously amused by his struggles.  
"You've already died twice, Yixing. If I kill you a third time, what will happen? Will I move into YOUR conscious for a change? Will I dig into your mind? Though I'm technically doing it already. So how can you be so damn sure that all of this-" he proclaimed while they were both facing each other again, "-is NOT your dream? What if it had been so from the very start? What if your mind is just so infatuated with me that it made up all of this?"  
"I don't think my mind would be cruel enough to make up someone as vicious as you."  
Lay's voice was calm and quiet which only further fueled the anger of Kyungsoo.  
The pain in his arms was faint but still there and he could already feel the blood making a mess as it continued to trickle down, getting soaked up by the fabric of his shirt, effectively sticking it to his skin.  
_I need to keep my grip on this. I may be inferior, but I haven't lost it.  
Why can't I harm him?_  
He was certain that this was not the deepest layer since Kyungsoo referred to himself in the third person far-too often. The actual core of people didn't feel like a single layer or part, it saw itself as the whole thing.  
_What about me? Am I the entire me?_  
"You think I'm vicious? That the real Kyungsoo wouldn't act like this? Let me tell you another secret, then. A last one. You probably think I'm lonely, too. You remember pitiful, lonely Kyungsoo mumbling 'No one's gonna miss me' again and again, right?"  
Lay vaguely nodded and already subtly arranged his posture into one of more alertness while the black gun had returned into the pale hand.  
"You see through this shallow facade though, don't you? This petty illusion of a pretty world. And guess what? You're right."  
The expression on Kyungsoo's face was scaring him. It wasn't the soft voice or the haughty and menacing attitude though. It was the glint of raw emotions, bitterness, aggression and hopelessness.  
" _ **I'm the one not missing anybody**_."  
Lay jumped to the side and rolled back to his feet as the bullet hit the floor. The puddles splashed beyond his feet as he jumped in Kyungsoo's direction, trying to manhandle the gun out of his strong grip without risking a shot.  
While he grunted in exertion and tried to avoid Kyungsoo's tries to trip him, the shorter one suddenly looked him in the eye with a crooked smile.  
"You're losing."  
  
And then, Lay suddenly thought of Kyungsoo looking up at him in worry.  
How rationality had actually pleaded.  
_Don't lose sight of neither me nor you_.  
And he finally understood. It was almost a second too late when he ducked and swore he felt a bullet sirring past him.  
Not paying any mind to Kyungsoo -the illusion, the fake one- he ran past him and into the fog where he felt the bullet coming from with his gun back and pointed blindly ahead.  
I couldn't shoot him because it was an illusion, a clone made up by the ruler of this world.  
It seemed like said ruler forgot about his soldier the moment he felt targeted himself, which was lucky for Lay since handling both at once was no option.  
One more bullet missing him was all it took for Lay to roughly localize him in the fog and shoot.  
Unlike Kyungsoo, he hit his target.

 

    Clean, crisp air hit him as he found himself on the cobblestones of a deserted plaza.  
_He was right. In Kyungsoo's mind there are no people at all_ , he thought while getting up to gain a better overview.

He clearly remembered his cold gaze.  
_I'm the one not missing anybody._  
Lay looked around and saw a few houses, tables of a coffee shop and a waterless fountain complex.  
Slowly he approached it, listening for any sign of life.  
Kyungsoo had been right. He hadn't found the actual disturbance yet. All of these circumstances were bad, but there hadn't been any trace of a virus or something being off.  
As he got closer to the complex he spotted actual movements of two persons on the ground, clawing at each other.  
"NO-" he breathed, picking up speed. It was Kyungsoo, getting strangled by... himself. He whimpered and scratched at the firm hands around his throat but to no avail. The other was pinning him down with his legs while he kept squeezing with no mercy. Without thinking much, he jumped over the railing and flew right into the bundle of limbs.

"STOP it-" Lay wheezed out while tackling into the upper one, forcefully tearing them apart and pushing his perpetrator who hit his head and groaned in pain. He helped Kyungsoo to his feet and pulled him away, beckoning him to hurry.  
"Come on, follow me!"  
They stumbled away from the fountain and crossed the plaza to run into the closest alley and opened the first front door presenting itself. He shushed him once before dragging the hurt Kyungsoo upstairs and crouching down in some deserted living room.  
With his hand over Kyungsoo's mouth he carefully listened.  
He heard the door below creak open... Before their chaser decided differently and left running down the street.  
The brunette let out the breath he had been holding and Kyungsoo weakly coughed, his trembling hands feeling up the blue markings on his throat.  
"Shh. It's okay." he absently said while caressing his back and shoulders.  
_There are two Kyungsoo's. That's wrong.  
That's what has been wrong all along.  
Two layers have somehow begun to overlap._  
However it happened, he was battling it out in the very inner core and everything became imbalanced.  
Now that he had finally found the source of the problem, he had to solve it.  
And there was not a lot he could do, besides...  
"Kyungsoo."  
"It hurts-"  
"Kyungsoo, listen."  
Those big, shining eyes he had come to know so well were blinking up at him, wet and terrified.  
"I would like to help you. I'd like to free you. But I can't. If I just kill a piece of your... Your heart... It won't work."  
"I don't understand-" he cried weakly, grasping the fabric of his shirt. Lay soothingly put his hand on the ones littered with bruises. They stretched on over pretty much every patch of skin he saw, only leaving his face unblemished. He wondered how long this fight had been going on.  
"Look. You need to win this fight yourself. Otherwise it won't have any meaning. You won't be confident and stable enough to control yourself. The conflict will return quickly. Do you understand that?"  
"B-b-but I, I can't, I just-"  
Again, Lay shushed him by embracing the panicking boy and forcing his trembling body against his own, relaxed one.  
"Of course you can. After all, it's about yourself. You can do whatever you want if it's about you. It's never too late."  
With this, he softly drew back and took out his silver gun to place it in the smaller hands.  
Kyungsoo looked at him with wide eyes.  
"Why, why are you g-giving it to me? Aren't you s-scared?"  
Lay only shook his head with a smile.  
"Surprisingly, I'm not. Call it instinct."  
Still shaky, Kyungsoo got up and stumbled forward with Lay following him in a short distance. Back down the stairs, out of the house, into the alleyway. Back to the plaza where Kyungsoo was already standing, waiting for them when he realized he didn't have to search any longer.  
The tears hadn't even dried completely when Kyungsoo lifted the gun and his identical enemy froze.  
"No..." he breathed and stared from the gun to Lay, fuming with anger.

Lay thought he would pull the trigger, he really did. But for a long time, nothing happened. The angry gaze became more cautious, flitting between Lay, Kyungsoo and the gun.  
"Y-you came all the way here... To help me." the trembling Kyungsoo suddenly said with a weak voice.  
"I... probably don't deserve it. I'm... not a good person. I'm a coward, y-you see? I'm scared of what people will do to me. N-not only to my body. But also to my heart. I'm always, always scared."  
The words came out shaky and he saw the tremor running along his arm, screwing up his aim.  
"But because you came here, I'll... I'll be b-brave. I'll do the right thing and I'll trust you, so please..."  
The gun was slowly sinking and Kyungsoo turned around to Lay.  
"Will you keep watching over me in the future?"  
Lay should have watched for the attacker, but his world consisted of nothing but the raw and open Kyungsoo, trusting him with his everything.  
So he nodded once; firmly, decisively.  
And Kyungsoo smiled. The first genuine, happy little smile.

Then he raised the gun and shot himself in the head.

He only had time to take in a sharp breath before Kyungsoo had already vanished and the gun met the cobblestones.  
Silence enveloped them.  
Neither he nor the remaining Kyungsoo made a move.  
Lay kept staring at the gun as if he could somehow hold on to any trace of Kyungsoo, prolong the inevitable realization.

 _What is this feeling? It feels like... loss.  
Actual loss.  
How long has it been since I felt like this?_  
"Don't be disappointed."  
He looked up at Kyungsoo. His expression seemed a little mournful itself, but unwavering nonetheless.  
"Also, don't worry. It was about time. He couldn't take all of this anymore. He was tired of all the games, the pressure and the pain.  
 That's how I came to existence. I'll be filling his spot."  
"So... You mean like a self-healing process? You're his new... resolution?" Lay slowly replied in wonder.  
"You can call it that if it makes it any easier for you to understand."  
He still numbly stood there, trying to process the meaning of all of this.  
_He is still Kyungsoo.  
So why does it hurt me the way it does? I don't understand._  
"Does this mean... Everything I did was pointless, in a way...?"  
Kyungsoo looked at him with a tilted head as if he was pondering this question himself.  
"Maybe. But I don't think so... If it wasn't for you, the fight might have continued until my whole mindset broke down due to instability."  
"Okay." he whispered, still slightly overwhelmed.

"Now that this is settled... You should leave. It's not your place to be."  
He looked back at him. He was right. Of course he was.  
But something inside him told him not to let go now.  
_Maybe it's my subconscious controlling me now._

"I'm sorry but my father probably won't pay you. I still won't be the son he wants if I wake up."  
Lay shook his head in a dismissive manner.  
"It's alright. He did actually indirectly ask me to manipulate you afterwards but I'm not going to, never intended to. So he wouldn't have paid me either way from what I got so far."  
They shared a small, bitter smile in understanding.  
_Still, I don't know if I can just leave.  
It's selfish, I know.  
And Kyungsoo himself told me all about it.  
Still, just because I know doesn't mean I can help it_.  
He gathered his thoughts once more and spoke up.  
"Kyungsoo. This will come off as preposterous, but I'll say it regardless. In a week, I'll take my flight back to Beijing."  
A raised eyebrow was the only reaction so far, encouraging him to go on.  
"If you want to... You can join me."  
Before he could say a thing, Lay lifted his hands in a placating manner.  
"I know you are a very smart person. I know you don't trust strangers-"  
"You want to sleep with me."  
Lay didn't even hesitate before agreeing.  
"I want to. I'm no liar. You're very attractive, both inside out. But I also wouldn't ever force you into anything. I'm being truthful here. I would like to give you an opportunity to start anew. If you do not want anything beyond a platonic relationship, then so be it."  
  
Kyungsoo was not being shy about his open distrust.  
"So you are telling me that I should go with you, a person I've never met in real life and who kind of wants to do me? Even if you are the gentleman you proclaim yourself to be, you're basically suggesting that I should use your kindness to my advantage."  
"Yeah, that's fine." he encouragingly replied without missing a beat.  
"You can use my kindness. I don't think you received a lot of it so far. It's alright to rely on other people's kindness once in a while."  
Again, Kyungsoo didn't hesitate for a second and his voice grew accusing.  
"You're being selfish. You aim to compensate your faults and loneliness by helping others. You want me to cater to your own crooked needs in a way."  
"If this makes the proposition more fair to you, you may see it this way. If you hold a grudge and want to harm me, you can do so. It's my way of exposing myself."  
Kyungsoo looked at him imploringly, deep in thought as the dark orbs looked deeper into Lay's soul than he had probably ever done himself.  
"I think... You're quite smart as well. About yourself, that is. I can't help but wonder about your story.  
About all the little and not so little happenings controlling your reason."  
Lay broke the eye contact first, openly showing the tinge of weakness he felt.  
_How the tables had turned. Now it was him who felt broken.  
Incomplete.  
Maybe he had always been this way._

"Just... think about it. Since you're smart I'm sure you'll remember me somehow."  
"You don't know what I'll be feeling towards you once I realize you've been in my head."  
"That's fine. As I said... it's an offer. Just an offer you could take, if you want to. I doubt you'll be able to remember a complete phone number, but you can just sent me a chat message since my ID is simple. It's Lay. My name. L-a-y."  
"Just... Lay." Kyungsoo slowly repeated, his expression baring a tiny droplet of uncertainty in an ocean of distrust.  
"Yeah.", he said smilingly,  
"Just Lay."  
  
He cleaned the gun on his clothes before placing it into Kyungsoo's accepting hand.  
Righting his attire a little, he positioned himself at a few meters distance and waited patiently, his gaze fixed on Kyungsoo even though a gun was pointed at his head.  
"How old are you?" Kyungsoo suddenly asked, catching him off guard a little.  
"Huh? I'm 25."  
Kyungsoo let out a short, soundless laugh and shook his head once.  
"Only 4 years older than me, huh?"

He didn't say another word as he shot him.

 

 

    Zhang Yixing woke up.  
And even though finishing the task and being successfully back to his collected self...  
He felt a little tired.  
_Empty. Hollow. Dull._

 

    And Do Kyungsoo also woke up.  
He woke up before his alarm went off and for the first time in forever, he felt significantly better.  
As if a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

He checked before leaving his room, making sure that no one was around before sliding into the kitchen and snatching a few snacks for breakfast.  
It was after the shower when he was toweling his hair in front of the bathroom mirror, that he finally remembered the dream he had.  
He... remembered.  
The towel fell to the floor.  
Kyungsoo didn't pay his wet hair any mind as he put on his shoes and scrambled past the just arriving male house maid trying to get a hold of him. Only when he was outside did he properly put on his jacket, zipped it and hid his face beneath the hood as he busily made his way to the library to use one of their computers.


End file.
